So, after I wrote my post on spanking, I decided to talk to my daughter about it. She’s 8, so I feel like we can have some very thoughtful, productive conversations. It’s probably important to note (if you didn’t read yesterday’s post), I don’t spank. I don’t feel like it’s useful, helpful, or in my daughter’s best interest. I’ve never really told her that, but she knows we don’t spank, so she’s clearly coming from a biased position.
Here’s kind of how our conversation went…
Me: So, Buddy, I wrote a little blog post today about spanking. I thought it would be a good way to get people talking. What do you think about spanking? Is it a good way for parents to punish their kids?
Her (horrified look on her face): No! It’s a terrible way to punish your kids!!! I mean, if a child is doing something bad or disobeying their parents, hitting them will just make them feel more angry and then they will want to misbehave more to get back at their parents! Hitting a child makes them feel angry with their parents, like they can’t trust them. And why would they want to obey a parent they can’t trust?
Me: Wow…that’s a great observation. I love hearing your thoughts on this!
Her: And besides, we’re kids, so we’re going to make mistakes! We’re still just trying to figure it all out, and it’s our parents’ job to help us, not hurt us. Talking to us and teaching us always works better.
Me: Hugging her tight. Unable to speak because I’m choked up.
That’s a pretty interesting take from an 8-year-old, don’t you think? I was kind of blown away, to be honest. And proud. Very, very proud. My daughter is a reasonable, thoughtful, and articulate little human being. I guess my strategy is working.
For today anyway. Talk to me again when she’s 13!










Out of the mouths of babes. “besides we’re kids, we are going to make mistakes. We are still just trying to figure it all out.” I know sometimes I expect too much from an 8 year old. I am glad Real OC daughter can even put me in check! I got teary too. Sounds exactly like her.
Comment by Allyson/HBMomof2 — February 8, 2012 @ 11:13 am
This is awesome! awesome, awesome, awesome!!! I don’t have any kids of my own (but love my nieces and nephews to pieces), and I also used to work in children’s group homes where we had to get pretty creative with the discipline since there was NO way that spanking was even an option. What I found through that experience was quite interesting… and also pretty basic. TALKING to the children is the BEST thing possible. Yes, they should be taught that their actions have consequences. But they need to find out the WHY behind that. And it was incredible how many situations were diffused by a simple conversation. Yes, there are definitely moments when you CAN’T talk to them… they have to be READY for the conversation. (Anyone who has attempted a conversation with their toddler who is throwing a fit in the middle of a store will agree with me here…ha!) But talking is one of the best tools we have, and a lot of people seem to have forgotten that along the way. Kids are SMART. They understand a lot more than most people give them credit for. It sounds like you have one amazing daughter… and I’m so happy to read your blog post. : )
Comment by michelle carrillo — February 15, 2012 @ 11:24 am