Well, I may have hit rock bottom – I’ve been reduced to monitoring the pooping activity of our fish.  Ah yes, glamorous life I lead over here.

I woke up this morning to find our betta fish Dorothy lying sideways in his (yes, “his”) tank.  My first thought was, oh dear, it looks like there’s a fishy funeral in our near future.  But as I neared the tank, lo and behold!   Dorothy started swimming.  On his side.  It was so sad looking, and just not right.  So I immediately did what any good mom does – I googled.

And what did I find, you ask?  Because I know you are truly captivated by this fascinating story at this point.

Apparently, bettas frequently suffer from constipation, which makes them swim sideways.  And in particular, older bettas (ours is about 3 or 4 at this point) suffer from this ailment even more often.  I kid you not – the family fish, who is now graying around the mouth as he ages, is lying on his side trying to right himself because he is full of crap.  Literally.  And it is my job to care for the elder member of our household now.

And what is the solution for said ailment?  I found 3 options.

Option #1 involved feeding him some thawed out frozen peas to help get a little fiber in his diet.  Go ahead and laugh, but Real OC Daughter and I busted out those peas and started thawing and peeling them!  And what happened when we dropped them in his tank?  Nothing.  He wanted nothing to do with that green matter sinking to the bottom of his home.  Total fail.

Option #2 was a bath of epsom salts.  I don’t keep epsom salts on hand (come on, I’m well-prepared for most emergencies, but epsom salts?!?). And I wasn’t about to run out at 6:30 am to go buy them, so we tabled this idea.

Option #3 was to change his tank water, put him in his little cup he came home in for awhile, and monitor his poop.  Yup, that’s right.  I’m now at a point in my life where I’m checking to see if my fish is pooping.

And here’s the strangest part – by 11 am, there was a decent sized fish turd floating around in his little cup and I actually got excited.  True, utter enthusiasm.  I’ve really lost it now for sure – getting excited over fish crap?!?  When did my life become this mundane?

But for all my initial excitement, he was still swimming sideways.  And I’ll admit, I was worried that little guy wasn’t going to make it.

So, Daughter and I returned home from a girl scout field trip this evening around 6 pm.  And what do you think the first thing we both did was? You guessed it – we checked on Dorothy.

And there he was, swimming completely upright again.

My daughter’s face lit up like it was Christmas morning.  She was thrilled to see the little guy back to his old self.  And then I realized why I cared so much about fish poop.  And it’s really not mundane at all.  It’s because I love my daughter, and I want to protect her from hurt, sadness, and loss whenever I can.  I know I won’t always be able to, but today I did.  And as I look in on her sleeping soundly, I want to do a little victory dance. For the peace in her heart, the smile on her face, and the sweet reminder that life, in every form, is precious.

So, after I wrote my post on spanking, I decided to talk to my daughter about it.  She’s 8, so I feel like we can have some very thoughtful, productive conversations.  It’s probably important to note (if you didn’t read yesterday’s post), I don’t spank.  I don’t feel like it’s useful, helpful, or in my daughter’s best interest.  I’ve never really told her that, but she knows we don’t spank, so she’s clearly coming from a biased position.

Here’s kind of how our conversation went…

Me: So, Buddy, I wrote a little blog post today about spanking.  I thought it would be a good way to get people talking.  What do you think about spanking?  Is it a good way for parents to punish their kids?

Her (horrified look on her face):  No!  It’s a terrible way to punish your kids!!!  I mean, if a child is doing something bad or disobeying their parents, hitting them will just make them feel more angry and then they will want to misbehave more to get back at their parents!  Hitting a child makes them feel angry with their parents, like they can’t trust them.  And why would they want to obey a parent they can’t trust?

Me:  Wow…that’s a great observation.  I love hearing your thoughts on this!

Her:  And besides, we’re kids, so we’re going to make mistakes!  We’re still just trying to figure it all out, and it’s our parents’ job to help us, not hurt us.  Talking to us and teaching us always works better.

Me:  Hugging her tight.  Unable to speak because I’m choked up.

That’s a pretty interesting take from an 8-year-old, don’t you think?  I was kind of blown away, to be honest.  And proud.  Very, very proud. My daughter is a reasonable, thoughtful,  and articulate little human being.  I guess my strategy is working.

For today anyway.  Talk to me again when she’s 13!

I used to think spanking was an okay form of discipline.  I was spanked as a child (I don’t think it was too often, because I can remember specific incidents), and I turned out all right.  Well, at least I think so!

But lately, I’ve been thinking about spanking a bit more.  It may be because I have an extra-sensitive child who is humiliated if reprimanded, but I really don’t think it’s okay anymore.  As I’ve matured in my parenting skills and learned more about myself as a parent, I’ve discovered that spanking is much more about the parent than it is about the child.  It’s a sign of utter frustration, an impulsive display of anger, or a complete lack of knowing how to handle a situation, in my humble opinion.  Here’s a perfect example:

My mom and I took Real OC Daughter to Gymboree last week to exchange some clothes that didn’t fit.  We were waiting in line – a very long line, I might add – probably because it was the last day to use those coveted “Gym Bucks”.  Anyhow, frustrations were running high among the kids and parents.  Tension was definitely in the air.  The mom in front of us had two young children in a side-by-side stroller.  The younger brother (who was probably just under 2), kept swatting his older sister (about 3 years old) on the leg.  She tried to ignore it, but he kept on.  She asked him to stop, but he kept on.  The swats got harder and harder, until they were just downright open-handed slaps on her poor little thighs.  Normal sibling behavior, I understand, and luckily, something I never, ever deal with.  Finally, the little girl called out to her mom “he keeps hitting me!”.  The mom turned around, smacked the little boy on the arm, and said “We don’t hit.”.  For reals.

Talk about shock and awe!  I try not to judge other’s parenting styles, but really?  Gee, I wonder where he got the idea to hit?  Update:  It was pointed out to me by a reader that the boy probably didn’t “learn” the hitting from mom, but rather that hitting is an instinctual human reaction.  I must say, I agree there.  I guess what I’m getting at is that it’s our job, as parents, to teach our kids NOT to hit.  And by using the words “we don’t hit” while hitting, that’s probably not a very good teaching technique.

Now, I understand the mom may have been at the end of her rope.  Total frustration, exhaustion, whatever.  I don’t know anything about her or her life.  But I guess that’s just my point – that hit was much more about her than it was about her son.

As parents we frequently reach our breaking points.  But it’s up to us to be the adults, the better people, the good example.  I’m certainly not perfect – I will admit to swatting my daughter on the wrist once when I was exhausted and going through a very difficult time in my life (I felt horribly afterwards, by the way).  And when I look back on that incident, I realize how much better I could have handled it if I had gotten a handle on my own emotions first.

That being said, I don’t have a particularly “difficult” child when it comes to discipline.  I ask, and she does (usually).  Sometimes I have to ask twice, but very rarely a third time.  And there are things I can take away as punishment that would be far more effective – iPod, video game time, art supplies – just to name a few.  So maybe I’m just spouting off about something I know very little about.  But I believe, deep down, that if we take a pause to think about discipline rather than reacting in the moment, the punishment will be more meaningful than a slap.  There’s a reason it’s called “getting off with a slap on the wrist”, right?

As I finished up this post, I found this article and thought it was an interesting read.  It supports my theory that spanking isn’t okay, but for completely different reasons.  Makes perfect sense to me, though!

How about you?  Do you spank?  Do you feel it’s effective?